Monica, who preferred not to use her real name, attended the 10th anniversary ceremony last Sunday. Although it was an emotional experience, she said she felt 'remarkably calm' because she was surrounded by other survivors. Until then, she had felt isolated living in Hong Kong.
'I realised as I stood there that although I had moved on, 9/11 would always be a part of me,' she said. 'As I was standing there, facing where the twin towers once were, I knew I would never forget and I never should. My heart went out for those who died and for the firefighters and other first responders.'
Monica, 39, was rushing to her office at 7 World Trade Centre when terrorists smashed the second passenger jet into the nearby South Tower. She tried to flee with the panic-stricken crowd but was knocked unconscious by a falling window frame. She was rescued by emergency services workers she knows only as Dave and Roy.
She suffered a broken spine, a fractured pelvis and sternum, a broken cheekbone and cracked ribs. It took a 13-hour operation to rejoin her severed spine using two titanium rods. Her wounds were closed with 61 medical staples, not stitches.
But this was nothing compared with the depression and survivor guilt she suffered for years afterwards.
At the 10th anniversary ceremony, during six separate moments of silence in memory of the victims, Monica found herself retracing the steps she had taken on that fateful day. 'Where I was standing, I believe, was where I got picked up by the paramedics before the towers collapsed.
'If I had been found minutes later the towers would have collapsed and I would have been one of the nearly 3,000 who died,' she said. 'I thank God for letting me live. I've found closure but I'll never forget.'
Monica also visited the 9/11 memorial and was surprised by the size of the two fountains, which represent the footprints of the towers. 'It felt very peaceful,' she said.
And she went to the 9/11 Art Therapy Exhibition in Bellevue Hospital. The picture she drew while she recovered in hospital there in 2001 was one of many on show that were drawn by survivors. Entitled The Road to Somewhere Safe, it signified Monica's feelings of wanting to run away and be protected from the collapse of the towers.
Monica is staying in the Ground Zero neighbourhood with her close friend Winnie, who was the first person to hear what had happened to her and go to the hospital to see her amid the chaos. Winnie still lives in New York and has also had a tough time coming to terms with the tragedy over the past 10 years. 'We are doing everything together so it has helped both of us to let go,' Monica said.
Some of her other friends have expressed feelings of guilt for not being more supportive over the last 10 years. While Monica had survivor guilt for those who died, some friends and relatives were harbouring a similar sense of guilt towards her.
'I feel sorry for not noticing these feelings,' Monica said. 'So I want to say to my family, especially my mum and all my dear friends, 'I am fine. Don't spend time feeling guilty for me when my main problem was feeling guilty for the victims. If I can let go and find closure, so can you.''
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